I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
