If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
