He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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