can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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