theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
