Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So much rum. So many feels.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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