Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
