I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
