she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
