Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
