everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
