Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
