Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
