Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
