Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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