do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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