Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
