I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize