You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
