My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
