U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
