I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize