Nicole vs. Life
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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