saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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