I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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