Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
