I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize