ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
