I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
