There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
