If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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