This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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