Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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