I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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