3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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