1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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