11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
