Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
