she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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