I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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