yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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