Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
