these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
