My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
