My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize