If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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