I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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