just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it's like iHOP with fire
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
