Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
