Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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