Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
