My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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