sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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