Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
