are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
