I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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