6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
God, I missed his penis.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
