Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
