I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
