My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He did a backflip because drugs
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