Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize