It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
