I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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