Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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