either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
