I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
