Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
