Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
