if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude i'm inner monologue high
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
