I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
