We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
